There's Something About Barry

So you're Barry Bonds and your trainer hands you a clear liquid and orders you to eat it. Naturally you ask, "What is it?" Your trainer says, "It's a nutritional supplement called Flaxseed Oil. And, also when you get out of the shower put this cream all over your body." Again, you respond, "What is it?" "Your trainer says, "It's called 'The Cream'. It's a scientific break through that helps to counter the effects and pain of Arthritis."

[ENTER HERE THE SOUND OF THE NEEDLE ACROSS THE RECORD]

"But, I don't have Arthritis all over my body ... " Bonds says.

Imagine this conversation, or something like it, and you would think you were watching the new baseball comedy from the Farrelly Brothers starring Ben Stiller called "There's Something About Barry".

Either Barry Bonds really is the stupidest person on the planet or he is a compulsive lying, cheating, drug using slug of a human being. This goes for all of the overpriced, pumped up, cheaters in baseball that are now part of the indictment against the BALCO crew.

Bonds' lawyer, Michael Rains, says, "My view has always been this case has been the U.S. vs. Bonds, and I think the government has moved in certain ways in a concerted effort to indict my client," Rains said. "And I think their failure to indict him has resulted in their attempts to smear him publicly." He's referring to the latest US Grand Jury testimony being publicized. Except, this stupid jerk forgets that the San Francisco Chronicle isn't a state run newspaper. AND, the only person responsible for smearing Barry Bonds is Barry Bonds!

Willie Mays is his godfather - Willie must be teaching the wrong set of religious morals at the Bonds family farm. I call it a farm because where else can you get away with being so stupid.

My biggest bone of contention is that a large majority of the Major League Baseball players are lying through their teeth to US Prosecutors, but when they get on the stand they begin to be honest, credible, and unknowing participants of a crime ring. Prosecutors should come down hard on these Justice Obstructers, and MLB should throw them out of baseball.

Wouldn't you love to see the scurrying rats from the NAACP crying discrimination when Barry is thrown out of baseball on the eve of him breaking Hank Aaron's record? I would!!

Missed Opportunity

Ever wonder why you have mixed feelings about your bully when he dies? The same bully that terrorized you for the better part of your entire High School career, or the co-worker bully that consistently opposed you on all topics critical to your future with the company. Your morals are twisted in knots over the death of this person. You should feel remorse, and your prayers should go out for his loved ones left behind. But you don't! You feel anger and emptiness, why?

... because it wasn't you that placed the banana peel on his steps up to Heaven ...

Ariel Sharon I'm sure is feeling the same way. "The one that got away!" or "The deer that was too easy to shoot!" In my opinion he's probably remissed that he didn't have anything at all to do with Arafat's death. Empty inside. Bully into Heaven you go without my hand to guide you.

Oh well........

The Osama Surprise

You have to give a lot of credit to the Bush Administrations masterful campaign tactics. It didn't just stop at creative speech writing, calculated appearances, hugging 9/11 children, attack ads, so on and so forth. They even disclaimered Bush's appearances in the debates as a humble and less artful dodger than Kerry. They even mixed in some Presidential duties hosting Hamid Karzai prior to his re-election bid in Afghanistan.

And who is 'they'? Karl Rove, Karen Hughes, Matthew Dowd? I think not. Vice Admiral Lowell Jacoby, Director, Defense Intelligence Agency, Lt General Michael Hayden, Director, National Security Agency, General Richard Myers, Chairman, Joint Chief's of Staff, Porter Goss, Director, Central Intelligence Agency, and/or Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of Defense.

On the surface it would appear they would very much be interested in an election campaign, and more so, the re-election campaign of George Walker Bush. Jacoby and Hayden wouldn't lose their jobs, but certainly their mission statements may change. Porter Goss would probably not be effected either, but the rest would certainly become unemployed had the outcome of the 2004 election been different. Back to Goss for a second; why do you think George Tenet had to resign? Because prior administrations crippled his operations, and because of it, certain domino effects occurred, innocent people died, and he would ultimately be held responsible. When Dick Cheney said a Kerry Administration may return our country to a September 10th state, he was right. And, I would guess George Tenet could tell you all about what Cheney is alluding to - therefore, Goss would certainly be concerned about his future and the future of his organization. A Kerry Administration may or may not have crippled him too, but what would be certain is that his friend W wouldn't be giving him orders and that wouldn't be fun. Digging deeper down, many people benefitting from the Bush Administration would be denied the satisfaction of truly proclaiming, "Mission Accomplished!"

The face of our intelligence apparatus would change dramatically under a new administration. Bush's campaign strategists did not operate with blind 'strategery'. I believe they were directly controlled by many other players that would be adversely effected had he not been re-elected.

That is why I believe the latest Osama Bin Laden tape released on Friday, October 29th (five days before election day) is the October surprise. Released in time for Friday happy hour, Saturday dinner with friends, and Sunday's Meet the Press. A stark reminder for the voting public that the war on terror isn't over, and any interruption of that mission would carry grave consequences.

About Voting

According to the US Census Bureau, 92.4% of the US population are Citizens 18 years and over. Based on today's US Population estimate of 294 Million people, 92.4% of that are legal US Citizens of the voting age (18 and over) or 271 Million people. It's hard to find accurate figures on the number of Americans that are incapable of voting for whatever reason. However, according to the US Census Bureau, approximately 12.3% of the population had a severe disability. One of the criteria used to establish 'severe disability' status, however, is common in the supermarket line - the same supermarket line that I mistakenly stand in thinking that this is the line that will be quickest out the door. I'm speaking of criteria #1 according to the ADA, "Used a wheelchair, cane, crutches, or a walker." My supermarket quip is more directed at those cottonball, coupon clippers with a cane or walker. And, yes they vote! Maybe this explains the long lines and not record turnout.

Criteria #6 is quite funny as most of the politicians that we line up at the polls to elect fall into this category: "Had any other mental or emotional condition that seriously interfered with everyday activities (frequently depressed or anxious, trouble getting along with others, trouble concentrating, or trouble coping with day-to-day stress)."

Criteria #9 also constituted a 'severe disability' which were those individuals that collected federal benefits based on an inability to work. Senator (and eventual Presidential LOSER) John Kerry did not collect federal benefits for his inability to show up for a Senate vote in the last two years, but I would still categorize him as having a severe disability though. He's mentally ill (flip flopper), and he's certainly going to qualify under #6 and #1 - after losing today Theresa Heinz-Kerry will kick him in the balls so hard he'll need a wheelchair. He'll certainly be talking to trees for a long while after losing to such a morally bankrupt opponent.

Back to my point, assuming these people could not vote because of these ailments, we're down to 237 Million eligible voters. Additionally, according to the US Census bureau's report on American's with Disabilities, 3.8% of Americans needed personal assistance. With that now we're down to 227 Million eligible and capable voters.

112 Million people voted yesterday. What do you think 115 Million people were doing on election day?

This is why we need to automate the voting process, and make voting a priviledge in this country. No doubt many Americans looked at the line and turned away. Automating the voting process would minimize a couple things: fraudulent votes, and provisional ballots. Provisional ballots have crippled a speedy outcome in the past two elections. Fraudulent votes, although have not come into play yet, are a problem. Internetizing the voting process would also maximize the voting turnout. Supply voter id's and passwords based on some predetermined criteria, and institute very simple security standards (one sign-on, one vote).

We are a society that has been able to accelerate particles to the speed of light, split genes to understand their DNA sequencing, fly to the moon in a space craft equipped with a computer technically less advanced than a common calculator, and after 86 years the Red Sox have finally found a way to beat the Yankees and win a World Series; I'm sure we can figure out this voting thing!!

Jon Stewart - The Real Hack

I always thought Jon Stewart was the 'low rent' Letterman of the talk show circuit. And, his recent surge in ratings and credibility has me baffled. Some call him a refreshing and truer representation of today's news shows. Well then why is he on Comedy Central? And, when put to the task of actually defending his 'all of the sudden' news credibility he hides behind his comedic theatrics.

Case in point: Crossfire. He wanted to be taken seriously by Paul Begala and Tucker Carlson, but constantly acted like an insecure child responding to their parents questions about whether they ate all their dinner. He looked tentative to make a serious point, and did it in such a way that does not invite credibility into his statements about their show.

He called Tucker Carlson "a dick", and that their show was hurting America because they did not foster REAL debate on a show that should be strictly about meaningful debate. I'm not sure why Jon Stewart believes it's his place to judge another show about their media worthiness or morality. It makes me feel sad for him. Clearly 'Crossfire' is a much more reliable show when turning toward a media outlet for respected coverage on certain issues. I would doubt that the mainstream media turns to Jon Stewarts' show for the same level of credibility.

Wouldn't you rather stick to what you do best? Why would you want to go on a show to portend your journalistic credibility is more trustworthy than theirs; that your shows lead in is "puppets who make crank phone calls"? How is any show on Comedy Central the pulpit of journalistic credibility? The Daily Show is a mock news show, yet again it hides behind it's comedic theatrics while trying to be a REAL news show. Again, a clear display of Jon Stewart's insecurity and childish behavior in light of trying to be taken seriously.

If you want to be a real news man, be one - stop hiding. Step out from behind your insecure shell and face what makes it hard to be the real thing. It's convenient for people like Jon Stewart to cry "hey I'm just a comic" when they write books and host a comedy show that ridicules the mainstream media as being credible. Most of the American people he claims to try to protect looks to shows like Crossfire, Hardball and Meet the Press as credible news sources. AND, that same credibility is supported by ratings - ratings that suggest people watch, not to laugh, but to get current events, news, and commentary.

Jon, don't try to protect me! You're doing a bad job at it when you shrug your arrogant shoulders like a timid school girl, and deride people about their program while not offering any advice to make it better. It's easy to say, "You suck!" But, it's much harder to offer intelligent ideas about how to make something better. Isn't it silly for a self-doubted, ignorant entertainer to demand consideration of their opinions while they snap-off barks of mockery and ridicule? Wouldn't you rather be respected for your opinions rather to be patronized as to just trying to be funny?

What's sad is that you even admitted you weren't trying to be funny, yet you never acted serious, didn't speak with journalistic acumen, and never once did you command integrity. It's one thing to be funny, it's an entirely different thing to be respected.

Springsteen is an Ass!

I'll repeat - SPRINGSTEEN IS AN ASS!!!

Anyone that travels along the narrow political roads with the likes of Michael Stipe, the Dixie Chicks, and Pearl Jam and actually demands political respect is just sliding further down the ladder into entertainer obscurity. Michael Stipe and Eddie Vedder are some of the most liberal, if not radical, leftists in the entertainment industry. AND, the Dixie Chicks were banned from playlists across the airwaves for their comments about the war.

Springsteen is actually one of the last purist entertainers we have in this country, and this latest stunt is pushing him dangerously close to Madonna's tonguing of Brittany Spears and Janet Jackson's boob spill in an attempt to get people to pay attention to him again. I would have to say all of them - REM, Dixie Chicks, Pearl Jam, Springsteen, and Jackson Browne - are so close to the bottom of their creativity barrel that concerts to promote John Kerry into office are attempts at reviving a dying band.

C'mon - the Dixie Chicks - aaarrrgh! Who on Earth is so diverse in their musical preferences to actually enjoy listening to Pearl Jam, Springsteen and the Dixie Chicks all in one set? NOONE!!

OH BRUCE - hear me now - jump ship - it's bad enough you're supporting one of the worst Democratic nominees in the parties' history let alone doing it in concert with the DIXIE CHICKS!!!

It's the hard that makes it great!

Jimmy Dugan: Shit, Dottie, if you want to go back to Oregon and make a hundred babies, great, I'm in no position to tell anyone how to live. But sneaking out like this, quitting, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Baseball is what gets inside you. It's what lights you up, you can't deny that.

Dottie Hinson: It just got too hard.

Jimmy Dugan: It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great.

I think of this and it disgusts me to think that Kerry and Edwards may actually lead our country in January. I say this not because I like Bush, but more because these are the two lamest candidates the Democrats could have put on the soap box. It annoys me because of what he doesn't say about his 'plan' for America. It annoys me because Bush hasn't done much to secure our homeland three years post-9/11, and it annoys me that Kerry hasn't provided to the voting public more about what he will do different than an already failing President.

It scares me even more because I am a tax target for Kerry. He doesn't care about me as a voter, as an earner, as a provider of three children, and more so he could care less about the poor. Kerry would rather coddle the poor, oppress the poor with social programs that have clearly kept more people poor than have helped them elevate themselves out of poverty. Social programs, tax relief, free anything breeds dependency. There's corporate welfare, tax shelters, child welfare - all these things nurture oppression. It's like dealing drugs, as long as the dealer exists the users will use. If Kerry cared about the poor, he wouldn't alienate his rich buddies or middle brackets he would create policy that would cut off the dependencies in this country whatever that may be. Creativity, new markets, invention, discovery, development and innovation - these are the sparks of a booming economy. Not welfare, not tax relief, not loop holes, and certainly not more government. Capitalism creates jobs - not the government. Kerry would rather crank up government than limit its hold on America. Dependecy arrests the development of our true potential.

A good example of this is what is happening in Iraq. We are forcing the Iraqi Army and Police apparatus to secure its own, and we are providing less and less each day in the way of support. We don't need more troops, we need less troops - why? because someone in the Bush administration understands that dependency on America to support that country is not the road to freedom.

I say this because it's my income bracket that secures America and it's future. We raise the kind of children that may one day lead this country, or develop new markets and jobs. Our children are not interested in dealing drugs, or multi-generationalizing welfare, or expanding the gang system in this country, or studying to get D's in school so they can go work in a factory when they squeak out a graduate certificate; IF they squeak out a graduate certificate. They don't want to be auto mechanics, ditch diggers, or construction laborers - they want to be doctors, veterinarians, business professionals, professors, bio-technologists, and land owners. They don't just want to get through high school - they want to go on to college. They don't want to rent - they want to build. They don't want to borrow - they want to invest. This is the America that we need to coddle - that we need to politicize - that we need to elevate.

It annoys me that politicians like Kerry and all the members of the Congressional Black Caucus believe that the future of America starts with lifting Americans out of poverty at the expense of 'rich' Americans or upper-middle class America. The real beef of our countries income taxes come from the American's we love to hate. The top 5% pay more than half of the income taxes in this country. Those who earn more than $300,000/year pay more than a third of the income taxes in this country, AND, my bracket, those making more than $125,000 pay more than half. Why are the poor kids more important than my kids? If I wanted to send my kids to college today I would have to borrow from a bank or get grants that I would have to pay back. I don't have enough in savings to send three kids through college, but Kerry would rather we empty our accounts or submerge ourselves in debt because 'we make too much'! I don't think I make a lot of money and I certainly enjoy a little love from the Repbulican tax plans.

And, after I'm in debt from having to put three kids through school while the 'poor' in this country get tax relief and free money for college, what am I left with? Three smart white kids with debt? Debt that could be better spent on investments, businesses, savings, homes, and more so on securing the future for their children. Having money enables the innovation and freedom to advance and promote.

Kerry says he has a plan to make America safe, to create jobs, create stronger alliances in the world, to accelerate a free Iraq, create a better healthcare system in this country and provide a better education. Politicians have been saying these things for decades - yet noone has implemented radical policy to truly change America in any of these attributes. AND, to give you one example of his 'plan' - in spite of European nations like France, Germany and Russia saying "they could care less who becomes President, they aren't contributing to Iraq" Kerry and Edwards insist that success in Iraq would secure their alliance and contribution. HOW STUPID! If that's a plan, then I'm very scared what the plans are in the other areas most needing a lift - like the economy, jobs, and education. In fact, Kerry supports the No Child Left Behind policies - SO HOW ARE YOU DIFFERENT THAN BUSH??? AARRGH!

If Kerry really wanted to be President, he would say the 'HARD' things and take the 'HARD' road. Just as Jimmy Dugan said, "It's the hard that makes it great!" Great Presidents do what's hard.

I am Woman Hear Me Roar

About 170 students at the 'all-girl' Wells College outside Syracuse, NY remained in protest following the decision from the Board of Trustees to admit male students beginning in 2005. Protesters want to preserve the 136 year tradition of being a 'female-only' college. One protester admitted quitting her job to join in on the protest.

Women, however, have broken the gender barrier on the PGA Tour, at the Citadel, in the armed forces, Augusta National Golf Club, all across corporate america, and even in our local firehouses. Not without hardship; however, successful nonetheless. Women have advanced from dishwashers, food preparers, home makers, baby factories to leaders of our Nations politics, board rooms, and sports.

So why, in the tradition of gender solidarity, would 170 lesbians, oh excuse me, female students at Wells College want to keep segregation alive and well in Aurora, NY? Some students fear the 'males' will dominate the classroom at some point in future history at Wells. Why is that a bad thing? Are these lesbians, oops - I keep slipping, female students male hating bigots? How is that possible in such a liberal setting as the American collegiate society?

I believe they're more afraid that men will clog up the appointment openings at the local Aurora Hair Salon, or even force the local bar scenes to change from Cosmopolitans and Sex and the City night to quarter barrels and Monday Night Football!!! Men are the only creature on earth with two brains - one on top and one that always wants to be on top - and these Aurora lesbians, sorry, feel threatened that an ideology of male hating exclusion will be destroyed, and the paradise of Aurora that was once rife with the peaceful handholding stroll at dusk with Missy the Butch will be replaced with the "Stifler-esque" gay gawking.

In May 1999 The Citadel graduated the first woman in it's 156 year history. Nancy Mace stands up with chin high in American history - these lesbians should be ashamed at such a protest.

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